Delirium Deletes my Equilibrium (28 Years Ago)

Fear, tension, worry and agony,

Have become part and parcel of me,

Even God is making me damn gloomy,

But, I give no room to blasphemy.

Whenever peace was denied,

My heart very sadly sighed,

It cried, but once again tried,

For peace, to God, applied.

In all the ways I am totally cursed,

In meeting hatred, I am well-versed,

By peace, I was cruelly divorced,

I became mentally depressed.

Kill me God just instantly,

Punish me not constantly,

Eliminate me prudently,

Fate and you end me jointly.

Everywhere defeat is chasing,

Though my God-faith is amazing,

I know nothing, but only losing,

To God, my losses are amusing.

When I touch God's lotus feet,

He kicks on me a huge defeat,

Why should God indirectly beat?

Let the Sun kill me by His heat.

I am a loser in this birth,

I want to leave this earth,

If I request God to give death,

God will deny to get mirth.

Put an end to my mental trauma,

By ending my part in life-drama,

Full stop my birth, put not a comma,

To quit this earth, I have no dilemma.

Let me get caught on death-trap,

Let soon take place a mishap,

Let people call me a poor chap,

Let God and fate happily clap.

Awkward creation of this human computer,

Is done by that very mischievous Creator,

Justice will punish God surely batter,

Blame me not, but only that holy Creator.

Bitter experience is daily mounting,

Prayer helps me not in surmounting,

My days, I am very eagerly counting,

God feels something is still wanting.

I am existing by the power of endurance,

But, there is a sure limit for tolerance,

To protect my family I have insurance,

To save them God must give assurance.

My mind is extremely weak and sensitive,

World is becoming unbelievably defective,

God's presence has become negative,

How can I confidently on this world live?

As God Himself is just cheating,

From efforts, I am now retreating,

If end comes, I will be greeting,

And have with Yama a meeting.

One day God Himself will realize,

That my great ideas were no lies,

Let people chase Rupee and Paise,

And shower a rich man with praise.

My death will augment statistics,

Universe will do as usual gymnastics,

God will surely face not any critics,

He will use His inscrutable tactics.

Mind's agony is too much,

God is very eager to ditch,

Only losses efforts fetch,

In gloom, mind is very rich.

I am thoroughly beaten,

Life has become rotten,

Agony eats mind like a glutton,

I am ineligible to be even mutton.

M V Venkataraman