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Portrait of the Alcoholic Floating

Kaveh AkbarKaveh Akbar June 16, 2020
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in Fort Wayne I drank the seniors     Old Milwaukee

Old Crow    in Indianapolis I stopped    now I regret

every drink I never took    all around     coffee grounds

and eggshells   this sweating    a mouthful

of lime    as a boy I stole a mint green bra

from a laundromat   I took it home to try on

while my parents slept   filled its cups with the smallest

turnips in our pantry   the underwire grew

into me like a strangler fig   my blood roiled then

as now   back on earth frogspit is dripping

down wild aloe spikes   salmon are bullying

their way upstream   there is a pond I leapt into once

with a lonely blonde boy   when we scampered out one of us

was in love   I could not be held responsible

for desire   he could not be held at all  I wonder

where he is now   if he looked up he might see

me   a sparkling  I always hoped that when I died

I would know why    my brother will be so sad   he will tell

his daughter I was better than I was  he will leave out

my crueldrunk nights   the wet mattresses   my driving alone

into cornfields unsure whether I’d drive out   I wish

he were here now    he could be here   this cave

is big enough for everyone    look at all the diamonds

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